


mid-blue hyacinths and you

by nominluvbug



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Sad Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26680618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nominluvbug/pseuds/nominluvbug
Summary: Speed skater Jaemin receives a message from Jeno, his other half, telling him not to give up on his dreams... even if it's without him
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	mid-blue hyacinths and you

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**“You’ll do great. Don’t worry, Love.”** Jeno soothes Jaemin’s back. He holds his hands after noticing how ice cold they were. 

Jaemin felt his heart pounding. It was his first competition for speed skating. Jaemin was 20. He feels like it was a little late for him to join these contests when he was just a newbie. Yes, a newbie. It’s only been a couple of months since he started training. The reason for this was because his parents opposed it. They hated the idea much that they would rather send Jaemin abroad than let him skate. 

But Jaemin wanted it. He loved it. He wanted to be a speed skater. It was his dream. Na Jaemin, Profession Speed Skater. Just the thought of it made his heart jump. 

Jaemin was too scared to do it. But Jeno, Jeno… his other half encouraged him to do it. Jaemin’s hopes sparked. Just because someone believed in him. That someone was there to support his decisions. And that someone for Jaemin is Jeno.

**“You’re the Na Jaemin. You’ll do amazing, babe.”** Jeno places a soft kiss on Jaemin’s knuckles.

It was a simple gesture but soothed Jaemin. It’s a great feeling having someone believe in you. Believes that you can do it. No matter what. Jaemin felt like he could move mountains with Jeno’s support.

**“1500m mens next.”** The assistant calls. Jaemin unconsciously nods. Before he leaves he stares at Jeno’s hand which never left his. His thumb softly caressing Jaemin’s knuckles.

**“You can do it!”** Jeno cheers him on and let’s go of his hand. Jaemin smiles at Jeno. He makes his way to the rink to position himself.

It was cold. He felt like he could hear his heartbeat. He checks all his opponents. Most of them were professional skaters or new skaters making their name famous in the field. 

Jaemin felt like he was a nobody.

In no time, Jaemin hears the whistle. Jaemin skated as fast as he could.

His position is currently last in a couple rounds on the rink. Jaemin can feel his heart dropping.

_ I’m no good. _

**“Cmon babe! You can do it! I know you can!”** Jaemin hears a loud cheer while he passes on his third to the last round on the rink. Jaemin smiles. That voice was too important for him to forget.

It was Jeno’s.

Jaemin grits his teeth and swerves on the other players. On the second to the last round Jaemin was positioned 5th.

_ A couple more Jaemin. _

_ A couple more. _

_ C’mon you can do it. _

Jaemin tries his best to swerve the other players and skate himself forward.

In the end, Jaemin finished second.

It was enough to make his heart full. He skates back to exit and go where Jeno was. Before Jaemin could utter a word Jeno happily hugs him and lightly carries him

**“See? I know you can do it.”**

**_\-------------_ **

Jaemin comes back home tired from training. Jaemin was starting to make his name boom in the field. He had been recruited by the national team. There’s a huge chance that he is going to compete for the Olympics if he will do well.

With great news and a proud smile from his face. He moves to find Jeno.

He and Jeno have been living together ever since Jaemin decided to choose speed skating. His parents hated him for choosing it. It was hell for Jaemin. He did not know what to do… but Jeno. Jeno was happy to take him. Jeno was stable and working. While Jaemin on the other hand, was still trying to chase his dreams.

**“Babe?”** Jaemin searches for Jeno in their bedroom but does not find him.

**“That’s weird. He said he’s home. He said he bought me chinese take-out.”** Jaemin checks the kitchen to find chinese take-out on the table.

_ Maybe in the bathroom? _

Jaemin walks to the bathroom. He sees the lights are on confirming Jeno is there. Jaemin happily walks to it.

**“Jen-- JENO! JENO!”** Jaemin sees Jeno on the floor. 

He was pale and cold.

**_\--------_ **

**“It’s stage three cancer.”** The doctor says. Pity apparent in his eyes. Jaemin felt his world crumble. Jeno just places his hand and softly caresses Jaemin’s knuckles with his thumb.

Jeno was too calm. Like he knew.

**“What do you mean it’s cancer? He hasn’t shown any symptoms!”** Jaemin unbelievably says. His tears fell endlessly.

**“I asked Sir. He did.”** Jaemin turned to Jeno who had his head down. 

_ I’m dreaming, right? _

**“I’ll leave you two. If you need me I’ll be in the other room.”** The doctor takes his cue to leave as he senses that Jaemin and Jeno needed to be alone because of the heavy news.

**“Jeno please tell me I’m dreaming. This is a bad dream right? It is a bad dream.”** Jaemin couldn’t stop his tears. Jeno was just silent. He didn’t have any tears or any outburst. His thumb was still caressing Jaemin’s knuckles.

**“Why didn’t you tell me…”** Jaemin’s voice was so weak. He feels like the energy is being sucked out through him.

It was silent. Jeno was so silent that Jaemin thought he was going deaf. 

**“I didn’t want you to worry.”** Jeno says apologetically. Jaemin removes Jeno’s hand from his and cups Jeno’s face.

Memorizing each and every part of it.

**“We’ll get through it. I know we can. We’ll fight this together.”**

Just like how Jeno believed in Jaemin. Jaemin believed in Jeno. This time it’s not a “you can do it” it’s a “we can do it” because Jaemin would never leave Jeno in this battle.

**_\----------_ **

**“Jaemin, you don’t have to be here. I can go to check-ups my own.”** Jeno sighs. His voice was much weaker. Sounding almost like nothing but he tried is best to speak.

It’s been six months. Jeno was much thinner now, he had no hair, and his lips were pale. A drastic change from what Jeno used to be. 

**“It’s okay. Training is cancelled anyway.”** Jaemin smiles at Jeno. He takes Jeno’s hand and rubs his knuckles.

**“Are you okay? Do you feel something? Tell me.”** Jeno slowly shakes his head.

Jeno was too weak to do anything. He couldn’t stand or even eat on his own. Jaemin denies it but the illness has taken a hard toll on Jeno.. and it fears Jaemin so much. That he keeps an eye on Jeno all the time.

Jaemin still believes that Jeno can do it. That he can get over this battle. That they can get over this battle.

**“You can stay outside Sir while we do the treatment.”** Jaemin just nods at the nurse. The nurse takes Jeno’s wheelchair and pushes him to the room. 

When the door closes, Jaemin takes his phone out to see dozens of messages.

_ Jaemin, where are you? _

_ You’ve missed a lot of training already. _

_ Hey Jaemin, where are you? _

_ The contest is fast approaching _

_ Hey! _

_ Hey! _

_ Do you still want to join the Olympics?!  _

  
  


Jaemin sighs as he reads the string of texts.  _ He does.  _ But Jeno was much more important. He was more important than anything.

**_\--------_ **

**“Jaemin…”** Jaemin hears Jeno call his name. They were lying down on their bed with the lights off. It was dark.

Jaemin slowly moves Jeno to his chest. Making him lie on his chest. Jaemin notices the huge difference between Jeno’s weight. He felt like paper now. 

**“Hmm?”** Jaemin softly strokes Jeno’s back.

**“Your dream is to be a professional speed skater right?”** Jeno tries his best to speak. Jaemin smiles at the thought. It was all because of Jeno that he was able to do what he has been doing now.

**“Yes…”** Jaemin simply says

**“Well, my dream is to see you in the Olympics.”** Jaemin can feel Jeno’s soft breathing on his chest. Jaemin bites his lip preventing himself from bawling but fails when he feels a tear fall down on his cheek.

Even with what’s going on with Jeno he still cheers Jaemin on. He still dreams with Jaemin. He still believes in Jaemin. 

**“Jaemin..”** Jeno calls his name again. Jaemin tries to recollect himself and answers with a broken  _ “hmm?” _

**“I know you can do it.”** Jeno softly says.

  
  


**_\-----------_ **

_ Jaemin! Where the heck are you?!! _

_ The pre-competition is going to start soon! _

_ You are wasting the only chance that could get you to the olympics!!! _

Jaemin bites his bottom lip. He closes his phone to stare at Jeno who was weakly on the bed. When you look at him you wouldn't recognize that it was Jeno.

**“J--ae”**

**“Don’t force yourself to speak, Babe. Please stay put.”** Jaemin quickly moves to check Jeno.

Jeno fainted a couple hours ago. Jaemin was shaking. He immediately rushed Jeno to the hospital.

He sees Jeno shake his head. Worry washes over Jaemin.

**“What do you need, Nono? Does something hurt? I’ll call the doctor.”** Jaemin asks endless questions.

**“P-please g-go to the c-competition”** Jeno tries his best to speak. It almost felt like it was inaudible.

**“No, Jeno. I’ll stay here.”** Jaemin says in finality.

**“P-please for me… for me…”** Jeno says with tears in his eyes. 

**“I-i’ll be o-okay… p-promise”** Jaemin felt like his world was crumbling. 

Jeno’s mom places a hand on Jaemin’s back.

**“It’s okay. We’re here. We’ll take care of Jeno. He always talks about how he wants to see you in the Olympics… do it. It will make him happy.”** Jeno’s mom softly says. Encouraging Jaemin to go.

Jaemin moves and cups Jeno’s face. It was so small that Jaemin could cup it with one hand.

**“For you… for us.”** Jaemin places a soft kiss on Jeno’s lips and wipes his tears.

**_\-------_ **

After the pre-competition Jaemin immediately went back to the hospital. He opens the door and sees Jeno’s parents conversing with Jeno.

Jeno’s eyes light up as he sees Jaemin enter the room.

**“Y-you won.”** Jeno says with no question. 

Jaemin smiles and moves to him. Jeno’s parents give them a warm smile and take their cue to leave saying they’ll be getting food.

**“Of course. I made it because of you.”** Jaemin softly caresses Jeno’s face. His thumb caressing Jeno’s cheekbones.

Jaemin realizes Jeno was much hyper now. Like he got better. Jaemin felt relief.  _ Jeno will make it. _

**“The final competition is in two days. If I’ll make it then it’s hello olympics for me.”** Jaemin explains.

Jeno just smiles at Jaemin.

**“I-i want to come.”** He says.

**“You’ll get cold…”**

**“I’ll wear two jackets! No three! Make it 5! I want to come..”** Jeno eagerly says.

Jaemin notices that there was no struggle on the way Jeno was speaking. Like he was very much eager to come. Like he had something that he really wanted to do.

**“Okay.”**

**_\------_ **

**“Are you sure you’re wearing enough clothes?”** Jaemin asks Jeno again. Jeno just smiles at him and nods.

**“Good luck, Jaemin.”** Jeno’s mom says. Jaemin smiles at her.

Jaemin moves Jeno’s wheelchair to a seat which he reserved ahead of time. The place was full of people. Everyone wanted to know who was going to represent the country. 

Jaemin was beyond nervous. He wanted to scream.

Jaemin’s line of thoughts were cut off when he felt a cold hand on his. Jeno’s thumb slowly caresses his knuckles.

**“You can do it.”** Jeno says and smiles. It was not just Jeno’s belief of Jaemin that comfored Jaemin. It was the idea of Jeno dreaming with him. That he will win the competition. Jaemin’s fears slowly moved out of him as warmth entered his system. It was tranquil.

Jeno does not let go of Jaemin’s hand until he is called. When called, Jeno presses a kiss on Jaemin’s hand before he leaves.

**“Don’t cheer too much. When you are cold, wear my jacket.”** Jaemin places his jacket on Jeno’s lap. He gives him a quick kiss and moves to the rink.

**_\----------_ **

**“Sorry for wanting to leave when you should have gotten your award instead.”** Jeno says apologetically.

**“It’s okay. My coach will get it for me.”** Jaemin says as he starts the car. 

**“You said you wanted to go to the beach?”** Jeno nods enthusiastically.

**“To the beach then!”** Jaemin drives off to the beach.

He notices how Jeno would smile as he watches the happenings outside the car. Jeno would smile at a tree, a cat he sees, random buildings, and so much more.

_ He must be that happy. _

In no time, Jaemin reaches the beach. He lets out Jeno’s wheelchair first and softly carries Jeno out when Jeno stops him.

**“I-i wanna walk.”** Jeno says. Jaemin stares at him with uncertainty.

**“Barefoot.”** Jeno adds. Jaemin just follows his orders. He removes Jeno’s shoes and softly lifts him out of the car and places his feet on the white sand.

The weather was great… It was not too hot and not too cold. It was perfect. Like the heavens knew Jeno would be here.

Jaemin mentally thanks the heavens for the great weather. The beautiful sounds of the shore were melodious to his ears.

He supports Jeno while he walks. Placing an arm on his waist. 

**“Careful.”** Jaemin says as he slowly walks Jeno. Jeno directs him to the shore Jaemin just follows. Who was he to ignore Jeno’s requests?

Jaemin felt the water slowly touching his feet. He watches Jeno smile with satisfaction as he stares at the sky.

**“Jaemin.”** He says. Eyes still on the beautiful blue skies while Jaemin had his eyes on Jeno... _ much more beautiful. _

**“Look how far you made it.”** Jaemin’s life flashes before his eyes. From him doubting himself and Jeno telling him to give it a try, Jaemin getting kicked out and Jeno keeping him, Jaemin joining his first competition and Jeno cheering him.

_ It was always with Jeno. _

**“Yeah.. thanks to you, Jen.”** Jaemin says. Arm still wrapping Jeno’s waist. Jeno stares at him for so long that Jaemin thought he was going to melt.

**“No. It was all because of you.”** Jeno says with sincerity. Jaemin moves to his back and places his face on Jeno’s nape.

**“It was because of us.”** He whispers as he places soft kisses.

They both stand there with Jaemin back hugging Jeno as Jeno stares at the blue skies. Jaemin can only see the back of Jeno’s head. Jaemin tried to read his mind but was unable to do so.

With Jeno, Jaemin is at peace. Like steady heartbeats moving melodiously with a rhythm.

**“Jaemin..”** Jeno calls him. Jaemin moves his face so he can stare at Jeno. Without any word, Jeno presses their lips together.

The kiss was long and passionate. If it were to spell words it would spell “love”. Their lips moving with rhythm and warmth enveloped them. With steady heartbeats their tongues danced. When they felt like they were out of breath they broke the kiss. Jaemin pressing his forehead with Jeno.

**“‘I’ll forever dream with you Jaemin. I love you.”**

**_\----------_ **

**“Are you sure you wanna stay here tonight, babe?”** Jaemin asks Jeno one last time. As Jeno was cold Jaemin decided to bring Jeno home but apparently Jeno had plans to sleep at his parents tonight.

**“Yeah… I miss mom and dad.”** Jeno says his eyes are not leaving Jaemin. 

Jaemin has noticed it. Jeno stared at him for too long today. When he was driving Jeno’s eyes never left him. Not even a single second.

**“Okay.”** Jaemin sighs. A brilliant idea pops into his mind

**“Maybe I should come with you? I mean your parents don’t mind anyways right.”** Jeno looks at him with a weak smile. Jaemin understood the message. He sighs.

**“Okay. You need alone time with your parents. Call me when you need me okay?”** Jeno just nods at Jaemin’s words. Jaemin tried to leave a kiss on Jeno’s cheek but Jeno moved his face so his lips ended up with his lips.

**“You’re sneaky, Lee Jeno.”** He chuckles. Jeno just smiles at him. Jaemin takes one last glance at Jeno. Memorizing each and every part of his face. Jaemin stares for too long but Jeno does not say a thing as Jeno was too busy staring at Jaemin’s face too.

**“I-i should go. You need to rest.”** Jeno’s smile does not fade. Jaemin turns his back as he starts to walk.

**“Jaemin…”** Jeno calls him. Jaemin looks back at him. His smile still plastered on his face. 

**“I love you.”** He says and taps his mom so his dad so his dad can wheelchair him in to their home.

**_\--------_ **

Jaemin flips back and forth on his bed. He couldn’t sleep no matter what he did. He softly caresses Jeno’s side of the bed. It was too cold for Jaemin.

_ He missed Jeno’s warmth. _

Jaemin was too busy staring at the empty side of the bed when he heard a ding on his phone.

**Jenobabe:**

**_Jaemin_ **

Jaemin stares at the notification on his phone.  _ Why is he awake at this time? _

Jaemin was about to scold Jeno when he heard another ding on his phone.

**Jenobabe:**

**_Don’t give up okay?_ **

Jaemin smiles at the notification. Of course he would never give up on Jeno.

**Jaemin:**

**_On you? Never Jen. Never._ **

**Jenobabe:**

**_No. On your dreams._ **

Before Jaemin could write his reply he hears a couple dings again.

**Jenobabe:**

**_I’ll always dream with you, love._ **

**_I love you, Jaemin._ **

**_I love you so much._ **

**Jaemin:**

**_I love you too, babe._ **

**_Go to sleep okay? Don’t stay up late._ **

**_\----------_ **

**“Na Jaemin Gold medalist”** Jaemin smiles proudly as he lifts his medal presenting it to Jeno.

**“It was amazing, Jen! I met that famous skater that I’ve always dreamed of and then I even trained with him in one rink! It was amazing, Jen. It was like a dream.”** Jaemin blabbers about his trip.

He places the gold medal on Jeno. It was too pretty to look at. 

Jeno had always been part of his journey.  _ No.  _ That’s a wrong way to say it. Jeno was not just part of the journey but Jeno.. Jeno dreamed with him. He was with the journey. Jeno has never left his side since day one and had always dreamed with him.

**“Delivery for Na Jaemin. Are you Na Jaemin?”** The guy asks. Jaemin just nods.

**“These are for you. From the one and only Lee Jeno.”** The guy says and passes him a beautiful bouquet of hyacinths. The guy weirdly looks at him after but leaves when Jaemin received the flowers.

**“You sent me flowers? Here? The guy must have thought I’m crazy haha.”** Jaemin chuckles. He stares at the beautiful flowers and notices the pink card attached to it.

_ Hyacinths symbolizes letting go. _

Jaemin softly caresses the glass where Jeno’s ashes were. Tears forming on his eyes. 

_ Maybe. _

_ Maybe it was time to let Jeno go. _

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


End file.
